Dear President-elect Barack Hussein Obama II,
I have chosen to officially represent my country, because much like your predecessor our politicians have done almost nothing to deserve that honor. I write to you with a simple request. Allow Iceland to join the USA as a state.
Now, this may seem like an odd request, but with the inevitable announcement of secession from Governor Sarah Palin, I feel that Iceland will be a very good replacement. Like Alaska, we are very isolated, and have automatic foreign policy experience from the ability to see both Greenland and the Faroe Islands from our backyards. We feel that we will be able to satisfy both the Republicans and the Democrats with our liberal views and our endless supply of corrupt businessmen and incompetent politicians. Also, if we were to join, because we are not used to the two party system, we might be the first state to give electoral votes to a third party. Despite our liberal tendencies, we share a common ground with the mid-west and deep south by speaking a language that no one else understands.
Now, the reason for this plea is that right now, Iceland is one of the worst hit places of this global financial crisis (for which the US bears no small responsibility). So much, that we are actually considering joining the European Union. Personally, I find this frightening as we all know that Europe is the prime place for uncharismatic politicians to thrive. However, the US is well known for a political scene thriving with sex scandals and other wonderful opportunities for entertainment by the lives of those in power. I also trust you more than the bastards over in Belgium. Let's face it, it's impossible to take political policy seriously from a country that can't even decide on a common language.
Now, Iceland would be able to bring to the US that wonderful European liberal sensibility and a huge amount of natural resources. We will also be able to bring an important part of American history back to the US by being the country which first discovered the US. Of course, there is also the benefit of having our wonderful nature, resources and Björk. We also can be an integral part of your environmental plans as we have an abundance of geothermal energy and don't need a lot of work. Like the US however, we need to escape the over-abundance of SUVs.
There would be little that would need to be done to integrate Iceland into your plans for the US. We already have universal health care, are one of the pioneer countries for alternative energies, and will gladly receive the change you have promised the American people during your campaign.
We will proudly join the USA. We received an offer to join Russia, but think that we would rather join you, especially since that would make it very difficult for other countries to use further anti-terrorist laws against our financial institutions.
By letting us join, you would be gaining a small liberal aid who would almost always vote for the Democrats and will proudly join "real America" seeing as we were the first to step foot on your continent, and not that idiot Columbus. We would also be able to help in the aiding of educational reform as most of Iceland is well educated, and until recently had an extremely low unemployment rate.
So please, President-elect Obama, when you formally assume the office of the President of the United States come January 20th, let us join your prestigious union so that you can bring your change to us and so that we can further keep bringing in the General Mills cereal we love so much. Also to save our asses from this economic crisis and the horrors of joining the EU. If not, please forward this message to Canada, as I'm sure we can be a fine replacement for Quebec.
The People of the Republic of Iceland.